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I got up and kissed him goodnight. I fought back the tears as I imagined what he'd think of me if he were to find out what I have done with my mouth in the last week. I'm sure he'd never be able to kiss me again.After he left I got undressed and went to bed. More than anything I want to go straight to sleep. I want to avoid thinking about the horrible things I did today. But I couldn't. I was forced to relive another horrible day of rape and almost constant humiliation. The only positive I could think of was that I didn't have to have sex with an animal, unless you count those truckers.But as awful as the things Reggie made me do this afternoon were, I'm surprised to realize that it bothers me almost as much that I no longer have any friends. I'm now an outcast, an object of ridicule and disgust, especially among the girls who once were my friends. They aren't just offended by the way I behave now, the way I let myself be used and abused by the boys. It's more than that. They seem to. I didn't always look like I did when I died. I was fat, and just plainhomely when I was growing up. I had two sisters, one of them was a yearor two younger than me, the other was six years younger. I didn'trealize until much later the connection between how much older my fatherwas than me, and the difference between his age and my Mom's. They hadme when he was 20, and she was 13. She was 12 when he got her pregnant.He had to marry her to avoid going to prison. They both hated me, andabused me from a young age. Because of my size, no one cared about me,since I wasn't popular. Then, my first sister, Kristen, came along. Idon't know what he did for partners when my Mom got to be too old forhis tastes, but she started to grow at 11, and, well, you know thestory. There were a few nights when she would come in and crawl into mybed, hoping I would protect her, but I couldn't do anything. Then, ithappened. I went to school one day, and my Mom and Dad insisted shestay at home. .
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